Three Man Weave is a regular feature on Aggro Swag. Here, Haggleman, Jeezy, and LCP will discuss, well, anything. You’ll probably see a lot of sports, specifically Syracuse basketball, but nothing is off limits here. Except dancing to Pitbull. And Flo-rida too. Today, we have a special report card for Syracuse’s most recent game, a 74-71 loss to Marquette.
Well that picture really sums up Monday night’s loss to Marquette at the Bradley Center in Milwaukee. Brandon Triche is in solid basketball position on the ground at halfcourt. Michael Carter-Williams is looking somewhere, anywhere really, for an answer on how to shoot a jump shot where you don’t end up missing by a foot. And oh look, there’s Teddy from Hang Time, parading down the court after he assumedly went around a meditating James Southerland and climbed up and over Mount Baye for an offensive rebound and putback layup. Let’s just get on with the report card before we all barf.
Haggleman Mondays: C-. He’s really got that jump pass to the opposing guard for a fastbreak layup thing down. If he’s going to give away points, I’d prefer he just stand at the other end at shoot at the other team’s basket. At least then there’s a good chance we get the rebound.
Jeezy Sanchez: C+. He leads the nation in MBPG (“My Bads” per game). And it’s not even close. Not since Darko Milicic have I heard so much buzz about an NBA lottery pick without seeing visual proof to back any of that up.
LCP: C-. I think if you asked anyone at the start of the year, “Who are you most excited about watching play this season?”, the most overwhelming answer would have been MCW. Now, every time he has the ball in his hands I cringe. He gives new meaning to the term “turnover” and his shot is flatter than a middle school girl with a training bra.
HM: D. There were a few times where it looked like he was going to attempt a 15 foot jumpshot, so naturally Boeheim put him on the bench because obviously we’d rather have our guards take those shots. Wait.
JS: D. His pump fake from outside the paint caused me to scream bloody murder. Bad haircuts are way more noticeable when you play like crap.
LCP: F. To tell you the truth I don’t remember Rak doing anything other than winning the opening tip. The coaching staff must tell him the basket is made of lava and to avoid it at all costs (that means making eye contact too Rak!).
HM: B-. When you don’t play, you don’t mess up. I miss his power dribbles.
JS: A-. I gave him an A because he had zero turnovers, zero missed shots and zero fouls. He gets the minus because he didn’t play.
LCP: B-. Even from the bench I think he still committed a turnover from bringing the ball down. Without him, we lack over-exaggerated celebrations after meaningless baskets, and my friends, that’s the key to college basketball.
HM: B. Yesterday was the most confident he’s looked all season. So confident in fact, he didn’t even bother taking off his blue shooting shirt in the second half.
JS: B. I see you, Trev.
LCP: B+. Coons was a +8 in his six minutes of action and actually played confident for a change. Playing him in the second half just makes too much sense guys.
HM: A+++++. Honestly just give him the ball and let’s all watch him do Teen Wolf/Fresh Prince things at this point. It’s our best play.
JS: 100 Gold Stars. I imagine CJ looking into the mirror before he goes to bed, practicing how he’s going to tell MCW and Triche: “GIVE ME THE BALL DAMN IT! I’M THE BEST PLAYER ON THIS TEAM!” When he musters up the courage to tell them he gets all sweaty and nervous and forgets what he was going to say. I do the same thing when I want to order something new at Dunkin’ Donuts.
LCP: A Purple Heart. The man is easily the most consistent performer on the team and naturally gets half the touches he probably should. Not only does his team have it out for him, but the refs wanna give him a technical for hanging on the rim and slapping the backboard?!? Terrence Roberts used to sexually assault rims in his hay-day. SMH.
HM: B-. I guess he played Monday.
JS: C. If he played more than ten minutes on Monday he might have exploded. That’s the only reason I could justify his limited playing time. [begins work on ‘Speed 3: Jerami Can’t’]
LCP: B. Like CJ, this kid can really do no wrong in my eyes, well except for his Twitter username. Moo Moo?
HM: A. Baye’s career has been sort of like a record player with a needle that’s off track, just sort of bouncing there playing muddled music over, and over, and over again. For one brief moment yesterday someone bumped that record player and beautiful music appeared in the form of a spinning sky hook which will never be duplicated again. But it was magnificent.
JS: A. This forever:
LCP: A. Sometimes its cool to be BayeSexual.
HM: D-. By clicking on the link to get you to this page and scrolling down this far you put in more effort than James did defensively Monday night.
JS: C-. James avoids the “D” in this report card like he avoided the “D” in the game. I will say, his 4 consecutive threes on one possession was the 2nd most remarkable thing Monday. Behind everything Baye did.
LCP: C. I hope he knows that there aren’t such things as four and five pointers. Look on the bright side, at least we didn’t have to hear him struggle through a postgame interview.
HM: F. Somewhere in a far away universe there’s an alien averaging 20 a game because he used a magic basketball and stole Brandon Triche’s talent.
JS: F. I found out before the game that Brandon’s father is named “Melvin.” That is the only thing I choose to remember about Triche on Monday night.
LCP: F+. My mother always taught me if you can’t say anything nice about someone then don’t say it at all. And that tells the story.
HM: F+. I don’t know what he’s doing anymore. He’s ride or die with these guards and we are dying pretty hard right now. I wish he’d just come to games wearing a sandwich board that says “Pass to C.J.” and that would be the extent of his coaching.
JS: Z. As in “Zzzz.” He shows more fire in his press conferences.
LCP: C-. While his performance was lackluster on the sidelines, take a second to look at what he has to work with: a team who struggles to shoot and has no inside presence. Still, I can’t defend the keep away tactic he has allowed by our backcourt and the amount of times he refuses to use a tissue.
(All photos via Syracuse.com)